Are you really practicing gratitude?
This post was published on 7 October 2021, during the Melbourne lockdowns. It is kept here as it was written.
But I should be grateful… right?
Recent times have called for the re-evaluation and adjustment of self-care practices and an emphasis on perspective and acceptance-based skills. One perspective skill that has garnered increasing interest is gratitude. Gratitude is known for its positive impacts on mental and physical health, such as improved relationship satisfaction, reductions in stress, anxiety, and anger, enhancing empathy, and aiding sleep. How? One reason is that feeling grateful floods us with oxytocin, which in turn creates more oxytocin receptors: an upward spiral that makes us happier.
A search of the web resulted in many differing definitions of gratitude; however, there was a consensus across definitions, being that of the ability to conjure feelings of thankfulness and appreciation for others, the world, and ourselves. It is suggested that this can be aided by focusing on what we have, rather than focusing on what we don’t.
“I am thankful for all that I have and all that I am”
Gratitude prompts
If you are a fan of journaling, you are probably not a stranger to a gratitude prompt, for example:
- Write down one good thing that has happened to you today.
- Who makes you feel loved and why?
- What cheers you up when you’ve had a hard day?
- What is something that money can’t buy that you are grateful for?
Prompts such as these allow us to check in with ourselves and take a mindful moment to consider what small, or big things, we have to embrace in life.
When gratitude gets misunderstood
The world has gone through its fair share at the moment, as has all its beings. Statements that I am hearing more and more frequently recently include: “but I should be grateful for…” and “other people have it worse”. These statements promote self-invalidation, as to suggest that their understandable mental health struggles are unjustified. Therein lies the misunderstanding of gratitude, that it involves being appreciative of the things that haven’t gone wrong, all the while dismissing the painful thoughts and feelings we are experiencing. It is understood that these statements present as an ability to manage difficult feelings; however, often attempts to minimise thoughts and feelings only serve to amplify them. As psychologist and emotional agility researcher Dr Susan David suggests, give yourself permission to feel all of your emotions, not only the “positive” ones.
We all deserve to tread lightly with ourselves, particularly in the face of lockdown restrictions. This might call for the incorporation of self-compassion in our gratitude practices.
If you are interested in setting up a gratitude practice, Grateful Living has tips for keeping a gratitude journal.
So, are you practising gratitude or invalidation?
If you would like some support, our team of psychologists are here to help. Call us on (03) 9802 4654 or book an appointment online.
References
- What is gratitude and why is it so important? — Positive Psychology
- Becker-Phelps, L. (2016). When gratitude works — and when it doesn’t. Psychology Today.
Our Blog Author
This post was written by Blair Raatjes, Psychologist at Your Mind Matters. Blair is committed to providing a warm, accepting and compassionate environment, and works with clients using Cognitive Behaviour Therapy, Motivational Interviewing and mindfulness-based approaches such as Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. Meet our team.