The Mental Load
The Mental Load is more than just “being busy”
Applications of AI in Psychology
Transforming Treatment Approaches – or Are We?
In recent years, Artificial Intelligence (AI) has entered the field of psychology with great promise, offering to revolutionise the way mental health care is delivered. From faster diagnostic tools to personalised treatment plans and predictive modelling, the applications of AI seem vast — and growing. But while the excitement is justified, it’s also important to approach this technological wave with a critical eye.
Sharper Diagnosis or Data Dependence?
AI has shown significant capability in enhancing diagnostic accuracy. Algorithms can now analyse enormous volumes of patient data — including voice patterns, facial expressions, and even social media activity — to detect early signs of anxiety, depression, and other mental health conditions. These tools can help flag concerns earlier and more efficiently than ever before.
However, while AI can detect patterns, it doesn’t “understand” them in the human sense. We must ask: Are we relying too heavily on data-driven cues at the expense of lived experience? The nuance of a client’s story, the context behind their tone or expression, and cultural factors influencing their behaviour are still best interpreted by a trained human mind.
Personalised Therapy or Algorithmic Assumptions?
Another exciting avenue is AI-assisted personalisation of therapy. By analysing how clients respond to interventions over time, AI can help practitioners fine-tune treatment approaches. It can even suggest strategies that align with a client’s unique emotional and behavioural patterns. Therapeutic chatbots, such as Woebot or Wysa, are being used as supplementary tools for between-session support. These tools are especially useful in increasing accessibility for those who may not seek traditional therapy due to stigma or logistical barriers. Yet there’s a limit to how “personal” an algorithm can truly be.
Can an AI model genuinely understand a client’s shifting emotional world, or their resistance to therapy, in the same way a clinician can? Personalisation must go beyond pattern recognition — it must include deep listening, attunement, and emotional resonance.
Predicting Crises: Progress or Pre-emption?
One of the most intriguing frontiers is AI’s potential to predict mental health crises before they escalate. By analysing trends in behaviour and mood data, AI tools can alert clinicians to early warning signs, enabling timely intervention. While this has undeniable value — especially in high-risk populations — it raises ethical and clinical questions: What happens when AI flags a “risk” that the client doesn’t perceive? Do we risk medicalising normal emotional fluctuations? And how do we avoid reinforcing surveillance-style care under the guise of support?
Revolutionising Research — ResponsiblyAI is already transforming mental health research, making large-scale data analysis faster and more efficient. It also allows for real-time feedback to clinicians based on evolving research findings — a huge asset in a field where evidence-based practice is essential.
However, we must guard against the “solutionism” trap — the idea that every complex mental health issue has a data-driven fix. Psychological healing is not always linear or measurable, and our research tools must reflect the complexity of human experience.
Ethics and Empathy: A Necessary Tandem
Perhaps the biggest challenge in integrating AI into mental health care is preserving the ethical and human foundations of therapy. Data privacy, informed consent, and transparency must remain at the forefront. Clinicians also need to feel confident in questioning AI recommendations — especially when they conflict with clinical judgment or the client’s narrative.
Importantly, AI can’t replicate the therapeutic alliance — the healing power of being seen, heard, and validated by another human being. AI may assist us, but it should never attempt to replace the therapist’s role in providing a safe, relational space.
Final Thoughts
AI is undoubtedly reshaping the landscape of psychological practice. It offers powerful tools that can enhance assessment, personalise treatment, and support prevention efforts. But like any tool, its value depends on how we use it.
At Your Mind Matters, your clinician may use AI to help take notes, create guided imagery scripts, or – my favourite – challenge my diagnostic impressions against the DSM-5 (our diagnostic manual).
We won’t be replaced by AI, but if there is a way to enhance client care, it is certainly something we will integrate!
PS- any AI we use is compliant with Australian privacy standards of course!
This blog was written by Laura Forlani, Clinical Psychologist and Director at YMM
Fact checked by ChatGPT 🙂
Do you have a fear that’s holding you back? Overcoming Fears
People can be scared of many different things, such as dogs, airplanes, needles or insects. And the degree to which we’re fearful of these things can also vary. For example, I personally am scared of birds (this is also known and ornithophobia). Yes, I know…terrifying. However, it’s a mild fear, as this does not stop me from walking through a park where I know birds will be present, or walking down the sidewalk when I see them on the footpath in front of me. I may not like it, but it doesn’t interfere with my life. Unfortunately, this may not be the case for everyone, because, as mentioned above, the degrees of fear can vary. Many individuals will go out of their way to avoid that which causes fear. Some may never go on a desired holiday, or see family interstate due to being frightened of flying. Others may avoid going outside in spring and summer due to their fear of bugs. In these circumstances, seeing a psychologist can be helpful, in order to help tackle this issue.
One way to do this, and my preferred way, is through systematic desensitisation. This involves gradual exposure to that which causes fear and discomfort. To start off, I work with my clients to develop a hierarchy, starting with what causes the least amount of fear, or anxiety, and building up to that which causes the most fear. It’s important that clients follow these steps in an environment that is safe and predictable. Let’s use fear of dogs as an example. Depending on the severity, step one may be just talking about dogs. Believe it or not, this alone can be enough to cause uneasy feelings for some. I ask my client to rate their anxiety level for step one (1-10). The idea is that the more the client is exposed to this step, they will become desensitised, leading to their self-rating to drop over time. Once the client is comfortable and essentially bored with this step, we then move onto step two. Step two may involve looking at pictures of dogs. For example, I would advise against going to a dog park to observe dogs there, as this is an unpredictable environment, as we cannot control or stop a dog from running up to the client, which could lead to more distress. Moving, on, step three may involve looking at videos of dogs. Once again, the client would continue to rate their level of discomfort, and eventually, once this drops to an extremely comfortable level, we move on to the next step. Eventually, the aim and goal would be to have the client comfortably sitting in a room with the dog, and even interact with a dog.
In addition to a hierarchy, it is beneficial to work on breathing strategies in sessions as well. These help ease some of the discomfort within each step. Learning to challenge unhelpful and unrealistic thoughts via CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) is also very helpful, as often, we overestimate the level of threat, and are more fearful of certain things than necessary.
If an individual has an animal-related fear, such as the above, it can be beneficial if the psychologist they are working with utilises animal-assisted therapy. Therapy dogs are generally quite well-trained and love people. Exposure to therapy animals is done in a safe and predictable environment, and it’s reassuring to know that the specific dog is friendly, and that the handler (in this case, the therapist), has an understanding of the client’s fear, and can work with the client in a manner in which they are comfortable. As opposed to attempting to interact with a dog at a dog park, or on the street, which is less predictable. However, it is important to ensure that the psychologist and therapy animal you choose to work with are suitable for your own level of fear, as some dogs can be more excitable than others and may not be suitable for someone who has trouble even being in the same room as a dog.
*blog featured image: <a href=”https://www.vecteezy.com/free-vector/phobia”>Phobia Vectors by Vecteezy</a>
If you think working with a psychologist would help you tackle your fear, give us a call to find a psychologist that is suitable for you. Please note that Johana is able to assist with clients who have a moderate fear of dogs, as Luna is an excitable dog.
The Upstairs/Downstairs Brain – Why kids have a hard time managing feelings and emotions.
We have all had moments where we have felt overwhelmed and dysregulated. Swamped by big feelings and emotions, it can feel like they have control of our body, rather than the other way round. For children, this can be a particularly scary experience, and they can struggle to calm down. Teaching children about how their brains work is an important step in gaining mastery over our emotions. Knowledge is power!!
It can be helpful to think of your brain as like a house. There’s an “Upstairs” and “Downstairs” part.
Source: Image by Dan Siegel
The Downstairs part (Brainstem and Amygdala) looks after our basic survival functions. The Downstairs part is intact at birth. It is responsible for:
- Regulating breathing and heart rate
- Sensory processing
- Sensing threat
The Upstairs Part (Prefrontal Cortex) is our “thinking brain”. Fun fact parents – it’s not fully developed until you’re about 25, so it’s under construction for most of childhood and adolescence and is shaped by experience. It’s responsible for:
- Logic and reason
- Problem solving
- Making decisions and managing emotions
When we are calm, ready to learn, play and socialise with others, our Upstairs and Downstairs brains are communicating well. The Upstairs brain is in charge, and it can THINK before it ACTS.
But when we feel stressed, angry, or upset, our Upstairs and Downstairs brains stop communicating well. The Downstairs Brain REACTS before we THINK. When the Amygdala perceives threat, it activates a fight/flight/freeze response in the body (depending on the environment we are in and our temperament). Recent research suggests that we may utilise a fawn response as well (people pleasing). The Downstairs brain channels adrenaline, and makes us super strong, super fast and REACTIVE. This often leads children to meltdown or to become dysregulated, as they are overwhelmed by stress. In this state, it is very hard to think clearly, and it becomes the role of parents and teachers to help the child to regulate.
So, what can we do?
- Recognising signs of stress early allows us to manage our feelings, utilise strategies and regulate our emotions. In therapy, children learn to identify their emotions and associated body symptoms and develop strategies to manage stress and anxiety. Having movement breaks or moments to recharge throughout the day, and utilising strategies, can help us with managing the build-up of stress in the body and increase our coping capacity for when we do have big feelings and emotions.
- Sometimes, especially for younger children, it’s overwhelming when big feelings and emotions are triggered. If a child is dysregulated and highly stressed, the first goal is to regulate (calm heart rate and breathing, help the child to access the Upstairs Brain).
- Parents and teachers can help by:
- Keeping calm and connect! Make eye contact, move down to their level, and use a soothing tone and body language to communicate empathy. Empathic statements that reflect how a child is feeling, and NAMING the emotions/feelings they are experiencing, can help to regulate the brain and move it from a REACTIVE to a REFLECTIVE state.
- “I can see you’re feeling angry, it didn’t go the way you expected.”
- “You’re really upset that your friends hurt your feelings.”
- “You’re feeling scared at trying something new.”
- Redirecting to a calm space or activity to help soothe. A calm space such as a child’s bedroom or the trampoline can offer a space for the child to soothe and reduce sensory overwhelm. You can stay nearby and offer the child a chance to reconnect when they’re ready and feeling calmer.
- Setting safe limits to ensure everyone’s safety. Naming the feeling and setting limits on unsafe behaviour – offer viable alternatives to allow the child to express the emotion/feeling they are experiencing in a safe manner.
- “I can see you’re mad, I won’t let you hit me. You can hit the beanbag, or the cushion.”
- Keeping calm and connect! Make eye contact, move down to their level, and use a soothing tone and body language to communicate empathy. Empathic statements that reflect how a child is feeling, and NAMING the emotions/feelings they are experiencing, can help to regulate the brain and move it from a REACTIVE to a REFLECTIVE state.
Remember: You can’t pour from an empty cup!
If you are feeling stressed or dysregulated yourself, it’s okay to take a moment to step away and allow yourself space to calm down. We cannot co-regulate a child if we don’t feel calm and regulated ourselves. We want to RESPOND calmly, rather than REACT. Parenting is hard work, and it’s important to be self-compassionate.
The Power of Repair:
And once a child is calm, there’s the opportunity for REPAIR and learning. We all make mistakes and have reactive moments, even as adults. Offering your child a chance to repair the relationship, strengthens your connection and helps model healthy communication. It also helps build self-esteem and reduce the shameful feelings associated when we feel we have “messed up”.
“Hey I was wondering about how you were upset yesterday. I wonder if you were feeling this way because…….. Sometimes I feel that way too. I wonder what we could do differently next time? I love you and we can work through this together.”
Further Resources:
Dan Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson – The Whole Brain Child
https://drdansiegel.com/book/the-whole-brain-child/
Kids Want to Know – Why do we lose control of our emotions?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3bKuoH8CkFc
‘If you would like to learn more about developing emotional regulation for children, or upskill as a parent in coregulation skills, our team are here to help! Call us now and take that first step towards a calmer family life.
Self-compassion: Why is it important?
Photo by Giulia Bertelli on Unsplash
Life can be extremely difficult. The possibility of human experience is endless. Regardless of how privileged or disadvantaged we are; human beings all connect in our capacity for psychological suffering.
We all can move to listening to a harsh internal critic. Do you have an inner critic? If so, what is the purpose of this critic? Is this critic chastising you, searching for your flaws, punishing you, and comparing you? Is it maybe even preventing you from doing things you love, or from living by your values and being your authentic self?
Let’s consider a few examples:
Imagine you have broken your leg and fractured your ribs from a bicycle accident and that you have the choice of getting help with daily tasks from companion A or companion B.
Companion A says to you: “Suck it up, it’s not that bad, you’re pathetic! Plenty of people are worse off than you, quit with the baby tears”
Companion B says to you: “This absolutely sucks. You must be in some really awful pain and feel like you’ve lost some independence that I know is so important to you. I’m here for you, let’s just take it slow together”
Strangely we are often the Companion B to our friends but often not to ourselves!
Imagine a close friend of yours just went through a romantic relationship break-up. They tell you their heartfelt story, and you listen intently from start to finish. Your friend isn’t perfect, but they deserve to be happy. You reassure them that they’ll get through this, they’re a wonderful human being, and that it can be painful, but they will be okay.
You don’t judge your friend. You don’t tell them they are not worthy, they are unlovable, will never find anybody, are ugly, stupid or that they need to change. You show your friend compassion. Strangely we often don’t do the same for ourselves!
Imagine you are at work and your boss calls you in for a meeting to have your annual review. She discusses your strengths and lets you know she is so happy to have you on the team. She then gives you some constructive advice related to organisation/planning skills. Coming from a place of critical judgment, you only hear the negative, and tell yourself, “I’m an incompetent idiot. I’m a shambolic mess and I can’t do anything right”. You head home and feel stressed out, go over all your flaws from memory and can’t sleep.
Coming from a place of fairness and acceptance, you see and hear the whole message, and tell yourself, “I’m doing a really solid job & working well with the team. I’m going to take on her helpful advice and learn from this”. This is a more compassionate response.
What is self-compassion?
There are many different definitions of self-compassion in the literature. I kind of like Neff (2003) that suggests there are 3 components that collaboratively interact to develop a self-compassionate frame of mind:
- Self-kindness versus self-judgement – Self-kindness is simply that! Responding with and developing a tendency to be caring and understanding with oneself, and letting go of the harsh judgmental critic. It is about being honest with ourselves about our pain, our flaws, our mistakes and not ignoring, and also not wallowing in self-pity; but acknowledging and responding with genuine kindness, soothing and comfort to the self.
- A sense of common humanity versus isolation – The common humanity aspect involves recognizing that all human beings have cracks, and make mistakes. We aren’t alone here! Nobody is perfect! These flaws and cracks make us who we are and connecting one’s own flawed condition to the shared human condition helps with greater perspective and understanding. Individuals who are self-compassionate accept themselves as they are and for who they are, rather than what or who they “should” be.
- Mindfulness versus overidentification – Mindfulness involves simply being aware of one’s present moment experience and accepting things as they are. It is not ignoring or ruminating, but observing and accepting the pain, and being self-compassionate. Mindfulness will also help in developing self-compassion habits, like recognizing when your body is feeling anxious and your thoughts are being judgmental toward yourself.
What we know from the research is that when you’re critical and judgmental of yourself, you’re more likely to experience feelings of anger, anxiety, sadness, loneliness and insecurity. When you treat yourself fairly you are in a position to manage these uncomfortable feelings with acceptance.
Self-compassionate individuals often take pride in their human characteristics and believe they are good natured, well-meaning, and competent, and happily understand their unique weaknesses or areas they can work on. They know they are a work in progress and embrace it.
It’s kind of hard to break old habits and practice self-compassion.
I encourage you to treat yourself fairly and with kindness, and see what happens.
References
Barnard, L. K., & Curry, J. F. (2011). Self-compassion: Conceptualizations, correlates, & interventions. Review of General Psychology, 15(4), 289-303.
Neff, K. D. (2003). The development and validation of a scale to measure self-compassion. Self and identity, 2(3), 223-250.
How can a diagnosis be helpful: to assess my child or not?
Image source: Photo by Sebastian Pandelache on Unsplash
Why an assessment may be helpful?
Is your child experiencing difficulties concentrating at school, establishing and maintaining friendships, or unable to meet their academic requirements? There may be more going on for your child than simply misbehaving or not fitting in. More often than not, children are disciplined for behaviours beyond their control leaving them feeling worthless and frustrated. An assessment gathers valuable information from parents, teachers, and your child, focusing on both your child’s strengths and challenges, creating a space to better understand who they are and how they learn best.
What is an assessment?
In the realm of child development and education, psychoeducational assessments serve as valuable tools in understanding your child’s cognitive, academic, social, and emotional functioning. These assessments can provide crucial insights into your child’s strengths, challenges, and learning style, aiding educators, parents, and healthcare professionals in tailoring support and interventions. However, like any tool, psychoeducational assessments come with both benefits and drawbacks that merit consideration.
But, I don’t want to ‘label’ my child!
Whilst it can be overwhelming and upsetting for parents to learn their child may be experiencing social, emotional, behavioural, or intellectual challenges, parents should not shy away from psychoeducational assessments. Understanding their child’s diagnosis is a tool for identification rather than a limitation, is important. Receiving a diagnosis can open doors to appropriate support services and interventions, empowering both the child and parent to navigate challenges effectively.
Are there different kind of assessments and why do I need them?
Cognitive assessments:
Designed to measure a child’s cognitive abilities, including verbal and non-verbal reasoning, memory and processing speed. These tests provide valuable information regarding a child’s intellectual strengths and challenges. For parents, understanding their child’s cognitive profile assists in making informed decisions around educational placement and/or interventions. As for teachers, it helps guide instructional strategies and accommodations tailored to a child’s learning style and abilities, providing further supports and scaffolding within the classroom.
Academic assessments:
Evaluates a child’s proficiency in different academic domains, including reading, writing, mathematics, and language skills. Achievement assessments help identify the presence of a specific learning disorder that may impact a child’s academic progression, such as dyslexia or dyscalculia. Results from an academic assessment allow for goal setting to help promote a child’s academic progress, which may include access to tutoring, educational support services, or guiding teachers to tailor their approach to suit the child’s individual needs.
Social-emotional assessments:
Examining a child’s social capabilities, emotional regulation, behaviour, and interpersonal relationships can help identify whether there are any underlying factors that may help explain and be contributing to a child’s behavioural challenges at home and/or school. For instance, the presence of anxiety, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder or autism spectrum disorder may be the reason a child is experiencing social and emotional difficulties across different contexts. For parents, these assessments provide insights about how to foster a child’s social-emotional development. Additionally, for teachers, it allows them to implement the appropriate classroom management strategies and create a supportive classroom environment for a child to flourish and develop positive social interactions and emotional well-being.
Adaptive functioning assessments:
Examining a child’s daily living skills, independence, and ability to function effectively in different environments (i.e., home and school) is valuable in helping determine the best way to promote independence, autonomy, and inclusion in daily activities. Parents will have the understanding and tools that will help inform decisions about support services and transition planning for adulthood.
Further information
- For more information about the process of a psychoeducational assessment, please visit https://yourmindmatters.net.au/learning-assessments-what-when-why-and-how/.
- The following website offers valuable information and resources for children with Specific Learning Difficulties: https://speldvic.org.au/
Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA): What is it? And how can we support individuals with a PDA profile?
Image source: https://sunshine-support.org/resources/#infographics
What is Pathological Demand Avoidance
Pathological demand avoidance, or Pervasive Drive for Autonomy (PDA)*, is an anxiety-driven need for control and resistance to demands/expectations that threaten a sense of autonomy. Whilst everyone experiences demand avoidance at times (e.g., refusing to complete homework or household chores), for individuals with PDA, everyday demands such as “put on your shoes” or “take a shower” can cause significant anxiety and evoke extreme emotional reactions (panic attacks or meltdowns). In fact, individuals with PDA may resist demands even if it’s something that they enjoy or want to do. It is the expectation, rather than the nature of demands, that leads to a perceived lack of control. Thus, demands that may trigger PDA include:
- Direct Demands: Instructions e.g., Brush your teeth, put your shoes on, do your homework, corrections, or discipline.
- Indirect Demands: Praise, discussions/comments about the future, transitions, social expectations.
- Internal Demands: Hunger, thirst or needing to use the bathroom.
- Wants/desires: Hobbies/interests, special occasions.
*Pervasive drive for autonomy is the preferred name for many within the autistic community.
So, how do we identify individuals with a PDA profile?
Core Features of a PDA Profile
At present, PDA is not included in the International Classification of Diseases (ICD-11) or the Diagnostic Statistical Manual (DSM-5-TR) as a formal diagnosis. Rather, PDA is currently considered a profile of autism characterised by:
- Resistance/avoidance to ordinary demands of life and use of “social strategies” to regain autonomy:
- PDAers may employ various social techniques as a means of avoiding demands, including:
- Distraction: Giving compliments, changing the subject, feigning injury, mimicking.
- Excuse Giving: “My legs don’t work”, “I can’t hear you”, “I’m blind.”
- Refusal: “NO!” “I can’t do that.”
- Withdrawing into fantasy: “I’m a dinosaur.”
- Controlling the actions of others around them: “You do it”, suggesting alternatives.
- These behaviours can often be misinterpreted by others as manipulative. When distraction, control and avoidance strategies fail, anxiety levels are heightened, and distress escalates, which can lead to aggression (hitting, kicking, biting), elopement, or self-harm. It is important to note that these behaviours are not deliberate; rather, PDAers experience panic and a fight/flight/freeze/fawn response.
- PDAers may employ various social techniques as a means of avoiding demands, including:
Image by https://www.thinkpsychologists.com.au/blog/pda-pathological-demand-avoidance/
- Surface social communication abilities:
- PDAers may present with less obvious differences in social communication and understanding than other autistic children. They may have strong verbal fluency and exhibit more eye contact. However, they may also struggle with understanding social hierarchy, e.g., wanting to be co-teachers or co-parents, and have a preference for being in control during play.
Other key characteristics include:
- Intense emotions or mood swings
- Comfort in role-playing and storytelling
- Intense focus on interests, often directed at other people
Pathological demand avoidance can present differently depending on the setting and an individual’s capacity for demands at any one time. In school, a PDA child may refuse to start tasks or engage in distracting behaviours to avoid work. At home, they may have frequent meltdowns about routine tasks such as taking a shower or getting dressed.
So, how can we support individuals with PDA?
Strategies to Support PDA Children
It is important to understand that PDA behaviour is driven by anxiety and that PDAers respond to demands as if they are a direct threat to their safety or well-being. Thus, low arousal approaches that reduce anxiety and provide a sense of control are essential for supporting PDAers. The Pathological Demand Avoidance Society recommends an approach that is flexible, based on trust, and collaborative. This is called the PANDA approach, as outlined below.
Image by PDA Society UK
- Pick Your Battles:
- Minimise non-essential rules and agree on non-negotiable boundaries – Ask yourself what rules are important for the child, family or class. Prioritise rules as high, medium or low priority.
- Allow for some choice/control by providing two options or allowing “no” as a response.
- Provide explanations.
- Manage Anxiety:
- Recognise and respond to the child’s cues that they are becoming overwhelmed or stressed.
- Reduce uncertainty.
- Treat distressed behaviours as panic attacks and support throughout
- Recognise that when in a heightened state, a child is not fully in control of his or her behaviour, as the emotion centre of their brain takes over.
- Negotiate/Collaborate:
- Keep calm
- Proactively negotiate
- Disguise Demands:
- Reframe requests – Instead of using words such as “need”, “must” “wont” “can’t” or “it’s time to” try using phrases such as “is it okay with you” “how do you feel about”, “I wonder.”
- Use declarative language, e.g., “The clothes are on the bed.”
- Disguise demands as challenges – “I bet I can get my coat on first”.
- De-personalise the request, e.g., “it’s the school rules.”
- Adapt:
- Use humour, novelty, distraction, and roleplay.
- Be flexible and have a plan B.
- Be cautious with rewards or praise:
- Rewards charts can create additional demands if the original demands are not achieved. Instead, try providing spontaneous rewards.
- Praise or encouragement can be perceived as a demand; instead, try providing praise indirectly or focusing on the process. When offering encouragement, provide choices or exit strategies.
Resources
If you’d like to learn more about PDA and how it presents, please see the following:
Websites
- Australian Childhood Trauma Group – What is Pathological Demand Avoidance?
- PDA Society (UK) – What is Demand Avoidance?
Books
- Understanding Pathological Demand Avoidance Syndrome in Children: A Guide for Parents, Teachers, and Other Professionals by Phil Christy, Margaret Duncan, Ruth Fiddler, and Zara Healy.
- Me and My PDA: A Guide to Pathological Demand Avoidance for Young People by Gloria Dura-Vila and Tamar Levi.
- The Educator’s Experience of Pathological Demand Avoidance by Laura Kerbey
If you’re noticing patterns of demand avoidance in your child or would like some help supporting individuals with a PDA profile, please feel free to contact our admin team on 9802 4654.
Understanding and Managing Children’s Challenging Behaviours – For parents
Photo by Caleb Woods on Unsplash
Have you ever experienced the challenge of navigating a teenager’s sudden outbursts or trying to calm a younger child’s meltdown in a crowded store? It’s a common scenario for many parents.
Understanding why the challenging behaviour occurs
Psychologist Ross Greene’s Collaborative & Proactive Solutions (CPS) approach emphasises that if they could do well, they would do well.
Understanding why children exhibit challenging behaviours is the first step toward effectively managing such behaviours. No child wakes up and decides that they want to do ‘bad’ things or have a meltdown in front of all of their friends! Fundamentally, all children want to do well, and it is up to parents and caregivers to try to understand why they are engaging in behaviour that interferes with their ability to meet expectations at home, school or in the community.
Often, children with behavioural challenges are labelled negatively. Let’s have a look at some of these all-too-common terms…
‘They’re attention seeking!’.
- This label identifies an unmet need in the child’s life but offers limited solutions. It implies that the child is acting with intention.
‘They’re manipulative!’
- Children engaging in challenging behaviours do so impulsively, emotionally and without much forethought. Competent manipulators possess many skills, such as planning, impulse control, and organisation.
‘They’re unmotivated!’
- This label doesn’t capture what is going on with a child and may create low self-worth, leading to further challenges in the future.
‘They’re testing the limits!’
- This often leads parents to prioritise compliance over understanding and addressing factors contributing to behaviours.
Children may lack the skills to behave appropriately. They may have unsolved problems or even unmet needs contributing to their behaviour. Adults can help by collaboratively finding the cause of their child’s challenging behaviours and helping them implement strategies.
Image by Nichole Schlechter on https://nicoleschlechter.com
Managing challenging emotions and behaviour
When a child is struggling to regulate their emotions, their ability to engage in problem-solving and collaboration is compromised.
The Zones of Regulation framework provides a systematic approach to help children understand and manage their emotions and behaviours. By categorising emotions and states of alertness into four colour-coded zones – Green, Blue, Yellow, and Red – children learn to recognise and label their feelings, gaining awareness of their current emotional state.
Techniques such as deep breathing or taking a break may help young people calm down in the Red Zone, while activities like visualisation or positive self-talk can help them shift back to the Green Zone.
It is essential for parents to remember that when a child is engaging in unsafe, challenging behaviours, the critical goal is always de-escalation. No learning occurs when a person is dysregulated. The team of child clinicians at Your Mind Matters can support children and their parents in learning to use de-escalation strategies to calm their bodies and minds.
This poster was put together by Elina from Your Mind Matters but is based on information from https://zonesofregulation.com/. Have you seen the movie Inside Out (PG ages 6+) to recognise these characters?
Teaching adaptive behaviour and skills
In addition to emotion regulation, it’s essential to teach children adaptive behaviours and skills that will help prevent future challenges, according to Ross Greene’s Collaborative & Proactive Solutions (CPS). Children who demonstrate challenging behaviours already receive negative natural consequences for their behaviours. Giving them more consequences and punishing them (e.g. detentions, removing favourite toys, yelling) does not give them the skills to succeed and instead may just further harm their self-esteem.
What interventions DO solve problems and teach skills?
Identifying situations where the child’s skills are consistently lacking:
E.g. Your child yells and cries when they lose
Implement a cool-down routine.
E.g. A go-to activity to regulate emotions when upset.
Teaching the child practical ways to improve their skills:
E.g. Teach the child how to recognise physical signs of anger and disappointment.
E.g. Teach coping strategies like self-talk
Remove barriers that impact the child’s success:
E.g. Modify the game to reduce the emphasis on winning/losing.
Practise, practise, practise!
E.g. Role playing different reactions to losing a game.
Provide accommodations:
E.g. Allow for mistakes and setbacks and be flexible in your approach as the child learns the new skill.
Managing challenging behaviours in children and teens can be a daunting task, but parents and caregivers do not have to navigate it alone. Every child is unique, and finding the right strategies may take time and patience. If you would like support in parenting a child with challenging behaviour, our team of clinicians can help.
Additionally, if you are interested in learning more about Ross Greene’s CPS model to working collaboratively with children and teens, you may enjoy his lecture below:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VsTvUiSxfls
