Your Mind Matters, Author at Your Mind Matters

Autism Spectrum and Sensory Issues

Your Mind Matters on 21/06/2018

Individuals on the Autism Spectrum often experience differences in the way they process sensory experiences. They typically experience sensory input more intensely than others. There can be a need for extra sensory input, or a need to reduce the sensory input that is being experienced intensely. This is for all types of senses. The pattern of sensory needs varies from person to person and the same stimulus that can be calming for some on the spectrum can cause distress for others.

Hearing

This is a very common and difficult sense for those on the spectrum. Types of noises that are experienced as distressing can be loud noises, sudden noises, or chaotic noise. It could be a very specific noise, such as the noise a texta makes when writing on paper, or the noise of an egg being cracked. Wearing headphones in noisy environments can go a long way to reducing the distress caused by noises experienced as overwhelming. Those on the spectrum will often make noises of their own that are comforting to them such as rhythmic groaning or talking a lot about their area of interest.

Seeing

Those on the spectrum can be very sensitive to light, finding it unbearable to be exposed to too much. Other sights that may be upsetting include a lot of varied visual stimulus in the one place, such as the set-out of fruit and vegetables at the fruit shop, or all the sights at a fun fair or market. On the flip side, watching something in particular can be very comforting, such as a favourite movie or cartoon, or watching wheels on a toy car spin around.

Touch

There may be textures that are very uncomfortable for the individual to touch with their hands or any other skin. There may be aspects of clothing they find unbearable to wear, for example the scratchiness of wool, the feeling of a clothing label on the back of the neck, or the feeling of the seam in a sock against the skin of the toes. On the flip side, an individual on the spectrum may find stroking a particular texture very comforting, such as their mother’s arm, a pillowcase, or a favourite soft toy.

Another aspect of touch is pressure. Often those on the spectrum will be calmed by the feeling of pressure, such as that experienced under a weighted blanket or a tight squeeze from a trusted person. Again, on the flip side, sometimes the individual requires the absolute absence of pressure, such as always wanting to wear shorts so as not to have any fabric on the legs, or wanting to wear loose clothing.

Taste

Individuals on the spectrum can be very fussy eaters. This can be due to needing routine and familiarity, but it is also commonly associated with the foods themselves. There may be some tastes the individual finds distressing or nauseating, and others they find comforting. There may also be textural issues, such as not enjoying some textures in the mouth (e.g. soft foods such as mashed potato) or finding it distressing to mix textures of different foods in the mouth.

Smell

Those on the spectrum are often very sensitive to smell and can detect subtle smells that others can’t, such as rubbish in the bin or dampness in the walls of a house. Some people on the spectrum also enjoy smelling objects and foods as part of their perception of those objects.

Another feature of autism is difficulty with communication; it can be difficult for the person to explain what is wrong when they are experiencing sensory overload, or to explain their need for sensory input that may look unusual. If someone you know on the spectrum seems distressed and there is no obvious trigger, try to tune into sounds, sights and smells of which you are not immediately aware.

These sensory sensitivities are real and experienced intensely. The distress that can be caused by these experiences needs to be taken seriously, and accommodations made to allow the individual to escape the sensory input when it becomes overwhelming.

Our Blog Author
This post was written by Dr Naomi Castelan, formerly a Clinical Psychologist at Your Mind Matters. Support for children and their families, including early intervention, continues to be part of our services. Meet our team.

Quick Self-Care Tools for Parents

Your Mind Matters on 04/06/2018

Having worked with children with a range of varying needs, one thing I have noticed is that parents often forget to take care of themselves as they prioritise their children’s needs over theirs.

It’s important that parents care for themselves – first, for their own well-being, but also because any effort they put into self-care also has huge payoffs for their children. When parents “fill their own cups”, they have more patience, energy, and passion to spread to their family.

Self-care tools for parents

Write in a journal. Notice your thoughts and feelings and spend some time, anywhere from 5 minutes to an hour, writing. This can help with managing your emotions, particularly on those difficult days.
Listen to some uplifting music whether you are sitting on the couch relaxing or busy working on household duties.
Make yourself a soothing drink like a cup of tea, hot chocolate, or brew some coffee – and sip it slowly and savour the whole cup.
Schedule at least 1 uninterrupted hour per week for you to spend with a friend or loved one, this could include going out for brunch or dinner, talking on the phone, out for a walk or spending some time getting pampered like getting a massage or your nails done. Socialising and being around friends can be extremely beneficial.
Write down 3 things that are causing you stress or are bothersome. Problem-solve one solution for each of these that may help to relieve your stress.
Reach out to a friend or loved one when you are having a difficult day. Whether it be to ask for advice, support, or just a listening ear.
Go for a walk, preferably somewhere serene, like a park or nature reserve.
Do a short meditation by closing your eyes, breathing deeply, and focusing on your breath. Sometimes a mantra can help, like “All sounds return to the breath, all thoughts return to the breath, all distractions return to the breath”. Try the Smiling Mind app.
Do a single tiny household chore that’s been bothering you – empty one drawer, give away one bag of clothes, or clean one shelf of your fridge. Pat yourself on the back for completing it.
Let yourself be blue for a bit. Cuddle under a blanket, play sad bluesy music, eat chocolate ice cream, or cry.
Follow the “rule of three”: always be consciously aware of 3 things that you’re looking forward to.
Write down one goal or intention you have for the week and post it on your fridge. Take everything else (like magnets, pictures, art projects, to-do lists, etc.) off your fridge.
Go somewhere local that you’ve never been before – a new nature reserve, a new park, a new beach, a different library, a conservatory, etc.
Think of one way you compare yourself to others and feel bad about it – remind yourself that you rarely see the hard parts of people’s lives because they purposely hide them or keep them private.

For more ideas and to read the article that inspired this blog, see Psychology Today: 25 simple self-care tools for parents.

Our Blog Author
This post was written by Dr Aiyuen (Shannon) Choong, formerly a Psychologist at Your Mind Matters. Support for parents and for children from preschool years through to adolescence continues to be part of our services. Meet our team.

Confidentiality – What You Need To Know

Your Mind Matters on 28/05/2018

When seeing a psychologist, you may wonder what information remains confidential. Psychologists are bound by ethical guidelines, the APS Code of Ethics, and this includes protecting a client’s privacy by not disclosing the content of therapy.

There are some limits to confidentiality, which means that the psychologist will need to breach your privacy in situations where:

There are concerns about your immediate safety or the safety of others
Your information is subpoenaed by a court of law
There is a legal obligation to do so, e.g. you disclose information regarding involvement or knowledge of a criminal offence or police investigation that has not been brought to the attention of the police

Confidentiality and minors

As minors are not able to consent to psychological treatment, consent is provided by a parent or legal guardian. The psychologist may ask the parent or legal guardian for permission to keep the content of psychology sessions confidential. This is done to ensure the psychologist and minor can establish rapport and trust, because not having this trust can be detrimental to treatment. The psychologist will provide parents and legal guardians with information that is important for them to know, including if their child is at risk, treatment goals and general progress.

Releasing information to other individuals

In situations where you would like your psychologist to discuss your treatment with a family member, other health professional or third party, you are required to authorise consent. This is best done in written form so there is a clear understanding between you and your psychologist as to what information you consent to being disclosed and what you would like to remain confidential. Be mindful about asking a family member to call and enquire about your appointments, because if there has been no authorised consent provided, your psychologist and the administration team will be unable to confirm that you are attending counselling. This is done in an effort to protect your confidentiality.

What happens if I bump into my psychologist outside of the clinic?

Your psychologist will not only keep the content of your sessions confidential, they will also ensure that the fact you are engaged in counselling remains private. It is at your own discretion that you let others know of your therapy sessions; however, your psychologist will continue to maintain your privacy even when you are no longer engaged in psychological treatment. Seeing your psychologist outside of the psychology clinic can be unsettling for some individuals as they may not have anticipated an outside interaction. Rest assured that your psychologist will conduct themselves in a professional manner and will maintain your privacy. For this reason, your psychologist will not approach you or engage in a conversation. This is not to be rude, but to ensure your privacy is maintained. If you choose to greet your psychologist, this is your choice but is not necessary. In the context of workplace situations, where your psychologist may be a customer (e.g. in a retail setting), it is best to continue the interaction as per usual and not feel the need to engage in conversation — treat them like you would any customer. If you feel uncomfortable about the interaction and would like to debrief, feel free to contact your psychologist to discuss. Your psychologist will check in with you at your next session to ensure you were feeling comfortable following the interaction.

Here at Your Mind Matters Psychology Services, we take your confidentiality seriously. Your psychologist can answer any questions or concerns you may have about confidentiality. You can also call the clinic on (03) 9802 4654.

Our Blog Author
This post was written by Maria Kampantais, Senior Clinical Psychologist at Your Mind Matters. Maria has a particular interest in working with clients experiencing anxiety disorders and past trauma. Meet our team.

An Introduction to Mindfulness

Your Mind Matters on 29/04/2018

Mindfulness: what is it, and how can I do it?

You’ve probably heard the words “mindful” or “mindfulness”, but perhaps you aren’t quite sure what this means, or how to engage in mindful behaviours.

What is mindfulness?

Mindfulness is simply the awareness that arises when we deliberately pay attention, non-judgementally, to what is happening in the present moment, both externally and in our mind and body.

Crucially, this includes our thoughts. So rather than becoming all consumed by the incessant torrent of distracting and potentially stressful thoughts that flood our minds on a daily basis, we are able to step back from them and let them go.

There is a robust, and ever growing, body of research that shows mindfulness-based practices, such as Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction and Mindfulness Based Cognitive Therapy can help with everything from depression, anxiety, stress and self-esteem to chronic pain, relationship difficulties, creativity and productivity. Mindfulness can also help you to fall asleep at night and assist in moderating your food intake, i.e. mindful eating, which is great for those who tend to over-indulge.

Can I learn mindfulness?

Absolutely! You have little mindful moments every day already, we just want to expand on that. You can teach yourself to ‘stop and smell the roses’ more often.

The basics of mindfulness

You don’t need a meditation cushion or bench, or any sort of special equipment to access your mindfulness skills — but you do need to set aside some time and space.

Observe the present moment as it is. The aim of mindfulness is not quieting the mind, or attempting to achieve a state of eternal calm. The goal is simple: we’re aiming to pay attention to the present moment, without judgement. Easier said than done, we know.
Let your judgements roll by. When we notice judgements arise during our practice, we can make a mental note of them, and let them pass.
Return to observing the present moment as it is. Our minds often get carried away in thought. That’s why mindfulness is the practice of returning, again and again, to the present moment.
Be kind to your wandering mind. Don’t judge yourself for whatever thoughts crop up, just practise recognising when your mind has wandered off, and gently bring it back.

Mindful sleep exercise: body scan relaxation

The body scan technique relies on getting your mind to focus on different parts of your body. There are different methods, and one that I’ve found effective is to imagine taking your mind on a trip around your body.

Use the script below, or perhaps listen to The Relaxation Podcast by Professor Colin Espie from the University of Oxford. With a calming voice, he talks you through a simple muscle relaxation exercise step by step.

Lie down and get yourself comfortable. Imagine your mind leaving your head, and travelling through your body to one of your feet. How does your foot feel? Is it relaxed, tense or sore? Is it hot or cold? Don’t make any judgements on how it feels – simply scan and observe how you feel.
Imagine your toe and foot muscles tightening, and relaxing again.
Then take your mind up to your calf, knee and thigh.
Stop in each body part to repeat the scanning, muscle tensing and relaxing.
Repeat the exercise with your other leg.
Move to a hand and work your way up both arms.
Scan, tense and relax your back, stomach, chest, shoulders and face.

You can either imagine your muscles tensing and relaxing, or physically tense and relax them – do what feels best.

You’ll know it’s starting to work when your limbs begin to feel heavy and you’re happy to sink comfortably into your mattress.

You might find your mind wanders at times. Acknowledge any thoughts that arise in a positive way, but bring your mind gently back to the exercise.

Mindful eating exercise: the raisin exercise

This is a classic introduction to mindful eating. You can follow the written script below, or, even better, get a raisin or some other bite-sized food you enjoy, and listen to the audio recording of the raisin exercise.

Place a few raisins in your hand. If you don’t have raisins, any food will do. Imagine that you have just come to Earth from a distant planet without such food.
Now, with this food in hand, you can begin to explore it with all of your senses.
Focus on one of the objects as if you’ve never seen anything like it before. Focus on seeing this object. Scan it, exploring every part of it, as if you’ve never seen such a thing before. Turn it around with your fingers and notice what colour it is.
Notice the folds and where the surface reflects light or becomes darker.
Next, explore the texture, feeling any softness, hardness, coarseness, or smoothness.
While you’re doing this, if thoughts arise such as “Why am I doing this weird exercise?”, “How will this ever help me?” or “I hate these objects”, then just see if you can acknowledge these thoughts, let them be, and then bring your awareness back to the object.
Take the object beneath your nose and carefully notice the smell of it.
Bring the object to one ear, squeeze it, roll it around, and hear if there is any sound coming from it.
Begin to slowly take the object to your mouth, noticing how the arm knows exactly where to go and perhaps becoming aware of your mouth watering consistency as you chew.
When you feel ready to swallow, consciously notice the intention to swallow, then see if you can notice the sensations of swallowing the raisin, sensing it moving down to your throat and into your oesophagus on its way to your stomach.
Take a moment to congratulate yourself for taking this time to experience mindful eating.

Keen to learn more?

Here are some articles you may be interested in:

Laura Forlani smiling, in a portrait photograph

Our Blog Author
This post was written by Laura Forlani, Director and Senior Clinical Psychologist at Your Mind Matters. Laura works with children, adolescents and adults on mood and anxiety disorders and difficulties arising from changes in personal circumstances, using cognitive behaviour therapy, skills training and relaxation strategies. Meet our team.

Helping Children & Adolescents with Autism Spectrum Disorder & Anxiety

Your Mind Matters on 26/03/2018

A primary school child wearing noise-cancelling headphones, working quietly with wooden blocks while the rest of the classroom moves around behind them

Anxiety is a normal part of children’s development, but children and teenagers with a diagnosis of autism spectrum disorder (ASD) can experience anxiety more intensely and more often than other children.

Anxiety or autism spectrum disorder?

Children with autism spectrum disorder (ASD) feel many of the same worries and fears as other children. But when children and teenagers with ASD get worried or anxious, the way they show their anxiety can look a lot like common characteristics of ASD – stimming, obsessive or ritualistic behaviour, and resistance to changes in routine.

How anxiety affects children and teenagers with autism spectrum disorder

The world can be a confusing place for children and teenagers with ASD. They might find social or unfamiliar situations overwhelming and hard to understand. They often have difficulty working out what another person might be thinking or feeling, or how that person might react. As a result, people and situations can seem unpredictable, which can make children feel stressed and anxious.

Five common triggers for anxiety in children with autism: changes in routine, changes in environment, unfamiliar social situations, sensory sensitivities, and fear of a situation, activity or object

On top of that, children and teenagers with ASD, especially younger children, might have trouble telling you that they’re feeling anxious. Instead, you might notice an increase in challenging behaviour.

For example, your anxious child might:

insist even more on routine and sameness
have more trouble sleeping
have meltdowns or temper tantrums
avoid or withdraw from social situations
rely more on obsessions and rituals, like lining up or spinning objects
stim by rocking, spinning or flapping hands
do things to hurt themselves, like head-banging, scratching skin or hand-biting.

Reducing and managing anxiety for your child with autism spectrum disorder

Anxiety is a natural part of life and something that everyone experiences at some stage.

You’ll never be able to get rid of everything that causes anxiety or stress for your child, though you will try! But there are some things you can do to help ease your child’s worries, and encourage them to manage their own anxiety levels.

Find out what makes your child anxious

Because children and teenagers with ASD can have trouble with understanding and communicating emotions, you might need to read your child’s signals and work out what makes them feel anxious or stressed.

Some of the common triggers for anxiety in children with ASD include:

changes in routine – for example, a weekly piano lesson gets cancelled because the teacher is sick
changes in environment – for example, furniture in your home gets moved, there’s new play equipment at the local park, or you move house
unfamiliar social situations – for example, a birthday party at an unfamiliar house
sensory sensitivities – for example, sensitivities to particular noises, bright lights, specific flavours or food textures
fear of a particular situation, activity or object – for example, sleeping in their own bed, going to the toilet, balloons or vacuum cleaners.

Eight relaxation and calming strategies, from counting slowly to ten and taking five deep breaths to going to a quiet part of the house

Once you’ve worked out some of the things that make your child feel anxious, it can help to make a list of them, so that you can find ways to help your child manage these situations.

Give your child opportunities to practise in safe environments

It helps if other people who look after your child – for example, child care workers, teachers and family members – also know what makes your child feel anxious and what they can do to help them with managing anxiety in these situations.

Sensory needs

Children with ASD may have a range of sensory needs. They might experience sensory input in one or more of the seven senses differently.

Think about situations where there is a lot of sensory information, which can exacerbate their anxiety levels. Consider the food court in a shopping mall, where there are:

crowds of people
different food smells
lots of noise such as chatting, laughing, chairs scraping and cutlery clanging
foods with different tastes and textures
tables, chairs and groups of people that make it difficult for you to move through the space.

This can be an overwhelming place for a child or young person on the autism spectrum.

If you think you can change the environment to reduce overstimulation, do!

Help your child recognise anxious feelings

Your child might need to be taught what anxiety is and what it feels like in their body. For example, when they feel anxious their palms get sweaty, their heart beats faster, and they engage in a stimming behaviour.

You could try drawing an outline of a person’s body. Inside the outline, help your child draw or write what happens in each part of their body when they feel scared or worried.

Quick tips to help children with ASD manage anxiety

Here are some ways you can help:

make sure you prepare them for any change to their routine
think about how you can adapt the environment
use visual supports and timetables
try social stories or comic strip conversations to develop social understanding
use a stress scale to help them identify changes in emotions
offer a safe and quiet place where they can go to get away from social pressures
have lunch time clubs where they can spend time with others who have similar interests.

Use relaxation and calming strategies

Your child might also need to learn what they can do to calm down. You can help your child come up with a toolbox of ways to help themselves calm down when they start feeling anxious or stressed. These might be:

counting slowly to 10
taking five deep breaths
running around the yard five times
doing 50 jumps on the trampoline
looking at a collection of favourite or special things
reading a favourite book
closing eyes for a few moments
going to a quiet part of the house.

Get your child to practise these strategies when they’re calm. Once they know the strategies well, you can gently guide them to try them when they feel anxious.

Getting help with managing your child’s anxiety

A psychologist might be able to help if your child with autism spectrum disorder (ASD) is very anxious. Psychologists have specialised training in mental health conditions, and can work directly with your child and family to develop strategies for reducing anxiety.

Psychologists use a range of approaches, including:

cognitive behaviour therapy – this helps children develop skills to change their thinking in situations that make them anxious
interventions using gradual exposure to help children face their fears – for example, the stepladder approach
Social Stories – these can help prepare children for unfamiliar or stressful situations that generally make them anxious
relaxation training to help your child learn to relax.

You can ask your GP or Paediatrician to recommend a psychologist.

Medication can also help reduce anxiety symptoms in children with ASD. It’s usually recommended only when anxiety is affecting a child’s everyday life and behaviour strategies haven’t reduced the anxiety enough. You can speak to your GP or Paediatrician about this option.

If you or your child need support right now

If this is an emergency, call 000. Kids Helpline is available on 1800 55 1800 for young people aged 5 to 25, and Lifeline on 13 11 14 or text 0477 13 11 14, both 24 hours a day. More options are on our resources page.

Sources and further reading

The information above was drawn from the following sources:

Our Blog Author
This post was written by Dr Aiyuen (Shannon) Choong, formerly a Psychologist at Your Mind Matters. Support for children and adolescents with autism spectrum disorder and anxiety continues to be part of our services. Meet our team.

📅 Book an appointment

What is self-esteem and how do I improve it?

Your Mind Matters on 12/03/2018

A woman sitting on a window seat at home, looking out at a green garden with a calm, quiet expression

Self-esteem plays a key role in our emotional well-being. Although low self-esteem is not in itself a mental health issue, the two are closely related. Many of the feelings experienced by an individual with low self-esteem can be similar to those of depression and anxiety and can include:

Feelings of hopelessness and worthlessness
Worrying about your abilities to do things
Disliking yourself
Blaming yourself unjustifiably
Avoidance of new opportunities
Not being able to assert yourself

For many of us, self-esteem is something which we want more of; however, we often lack the knowledge of how to improve self-esteem. Below are some common questions about self-esteem and how to start to build it.

The difference between self-esteem and confidence

Self-esteem refers to your overall sense of value and personal worth. Simply put, it is about how much you may like, respect and be satisfied with yourself. Self-esteem is often confused with confidence and the two terms are used interchangeably. Confidence refers to the belief you have in your abilities and is likely to vary based on the situation. For instance, an individual may have a healthy level of self-esteem, however lack confidence in their cooking abilities.

Six questions to ask your self-talk, from whether it is helpful or unhelpful to what you would say to someone else thinking this way about themselves

Where does self-esteem come from?

Self-esteem is developed throughout your life and your experiences shape how you view yourself. When you try new things and the results are beneficial to you, this leads to an increase in your self-esteem. For example, being offered a promotion at work to supervise a team for the first time, and having successful results is likely to increase self-esteem. However, if the role as a supervisor does not go as planned, this may impact on your self-esteem. It is important to note that what affects self-esteem varies from person to person. Some common experiences that may impact on self-esteem include:

Being involved in a challenging romantic relationship, separation, or divorce
Experience of domestic violence
Workplace bullying
Loss of employment (being terminated or made redundant) and/or difficulty in securing work
Medical condition (physical or mental health issues)

Early childhood experiences play a particularly crucial role in development of your self-esteem. How you were treated by those around you, including your caregivers, family, teachers and peers, helps to mould your view of yourself, your worth, and contributes to your overall self-esteem.

Childhood experiences that may contribute to healthy self-esteem:

Being listened to and acknowledged
Recognition for your successes and acknowledgement of mistakes
Being treated with respect and spoken to appropriately
Sound level of love, nurture and affection

Childhood experiences that may contribute to low self-esteem:

Verbal, physical, sexual or emotional abuse
Being told that you are not good enough
Lack of acknowledgment for your achievements, being told you could have performed better, or failures (e.g. not passing a subject at school) being reflected as a failure of your whole life
Being ignored
Bullying or teasing

Ways to build self-esteem

Positive self-talk

Self-talk is what we say to ourselves, either aloud or in our mind. Often, we may not be aware of our self-talk, but it has an influence on how we perceive ourselves, how we behave and how we feel. Negative self-talk can be extremely harmful to our self-esteem; it includes thoughts like “I can’t do anything right”. To help shift your self-talk to be more positive, try looking at the thought from a different perspective. Ask yourself:

Is my self-talk helpful or unhelpful?
Do I have all the facts?
Is there another way to view the situation?
Could there be something that I have overlooked or that I am missing?
Would I speak to others in the same way?
What would I say to someone else if they told me they were thinking this way about themselves?

Six feelings that can come with low self-esteem, including hopelessness, worry about your abilities, disliking yourself and avoiding new opportunities

Positive affirmations

Affirmations are positive statements that can help to challenge and overcome your negative self-talk. These phrases describe how you would like to be. Repeating positive affirmations helps you to start seeing things from a more positive perspective. Think about how doing repetitive physical exercises can improve your fitness and physical health over time. In this similar way, positive affirmations can help to provide you with a more optimistic outlook. Examples of affirmations include: “I am a likeable person”, “I have a lot to be proud of”, and “I am in control of my life”. For a list of positive affirmations, see Affirmations — Get Self Help.

Strengths and positive qualities

Focus on your strengths and positive qualities. If you struggle, think about what others would say about you. Therapist Aid publishes a free Positive Traits worksheet listing 58 qualities.

As an exercise, circle your strongest positive qualities and then ask a family member or friend to circle the traits that they identify as your strengths (make sure to give them a new copy of the positive traits list and they don’t see your responses). The results may surprise you and help you see how others may view you in a more positive light.

Gratitude journal

It is all too easy to get caught up in the negative aspects of our day and focus on what didn’t go well. We often don’t think about what we are grateful for or what positive experiences may have occurred. A gratitude journal is a great tool to help you focus on the positive experiences of each day. Think about three things you are grateful for each day, no matter how big or small. If you get stuck, you can use prompts, however these are optional. The following prompts may be useful:

The best part about today…
Something I am grateful for today…
Today I learned…
Something beautiful I saw today…

For more information and a different version of a gratitude journal, which doesn’t require daily entries, see the Gratitude Journal worksheet from Therapist Aid.

A final note

I hope this has been helpful in answering your questions about low self-esteem, as well as provided you with some ideas of how to start to improve self-esteem. If you are experiencing low self-esteem and would like some support, our team of psychologists are here to help. Call us on (03) 9802 4654 or book an appointment online.

If you need support right now

If this is an emergency, call 000. For 24-hour support, call Lifeline on 13 11 14 or text 0477 13 11 14. For support after abuse, or domestic or family violence, call 1800RESPECT on 1800 737 732. More options are on our resources page.

References

What is self-esteem? — Mind
Counseling and Mental Health Center, The University of Texas at Austin — self-esteem resource, no longer available online

Our Blog Author
This post was written by Maria Kampantais, Senior Clinical Psychologist at Your Mind Matters. Maria works with adolescents and adults on anxiety, depression, grief and loss, interpersonal difficulties and past trauma. Meet our team.

📅 Book an appointment

Building Resilience

Your Mind Matters on 26/02/2018

Resilience is often described as an individual’s ability to transform adversity into wisdom, insight and compassion. Resilience is ordinary not extraordinary that means everybody has resilience, it’s a question of how well is it used when needed. High resilience does not mean that an individual does not feel pain but simply means that they have found a good way to deal with negative events in life possibly quicker than others. Like any other human skill, everyone has the capacity to build resilience and to do so the most needed ingredient to the recipe is willingness to do so.

Here’s a list of strategies to build resilience:

Positive thinking

Thinking patterns are known to trigger emotional patterns. Because we have built-in survival mechanisms, our brains are naturally wired to pay more attention to negative events than the positive ones. But in essence, we experience positive events with much greater frequency. One key to building resilience is noticing and appreciating those positive experiences whenever and wherever they occur.

Nurture a positive view of yourself

When you discover a positive attribute in yourself, it is important to nurture it by self-talk, sharing it with important loved ones or by maintaining a journal. Developing confidence in your ability to solve problems and trusting your instincts helps build resilience.

Self-care

Taking care of yourself helps to keep your mind and body well equipped to deal with situations that require resilience. So it is important to pay attention to your own needs and feelings. Engage in activities that you enjoy and find relaxing and exercise regularly.

Learning from past experiences

Focusing on past experiences and how you dealt with them gives personal strength and ability to identify strategies for building resilience. Learning from reactions to challenging life events is likely to enhance your self-belief, confidence and helps with building wisdom.

Goal setting

Developing realistic goals and focusing on achieving one big or small goal each day enables you to move forward and achieve bigger goals. Focusing on this accomplishment is likely to build strength and enhance ability to have a hopeful outlook.

“When we tackle obstacles, we find hidden reserves of courage and resilience we did not know we had. And it is only when we are faced with failure do we realise that these resources were always there within us. We only need to find them and move on to using them” (By A P J Abdul Kalam)

If you are going through difficulties and need to find your inner strength, why not give us a call today? Our team of highly skilled and well-experienced Psychologists are here to help.

Aanchal Sood smiling, in a portrait photograph

Our Blog Author
This post was written by Aanchal Sood, Senior Psychologist and Supervisor at Your Mind Matters. Aanchal works with adolescents, adults and couples on anxiety and mood disorders, grief and loss, trauma, adjustment and relationship difficulties, and is fluent in Hindi and Punjabi. Meet our team.

Preparing Your Child For School

Your Mind Matters on 03/01/2018

Starting school is an exciting time for most children. However, for some children, starting school can be a difficult and scary time. Preparing your child for the start of school will not only help them feel more confident about what to expect at their new school, but also ensure that they can successfully transition into a new environment.

Here are a few tips to help you help your child prepare for their next big milestone – going to school:

Engage your child in conversations about what he/she thinks about starting school. Encourage your child to tell you what he/she is excited and worried about.
Encourage your child to also talk to his/her friends about school.
Encourage your child to read. When children are younger, they learn to understand and express words. When they get older, they learn to read and write these words. Reading and writing will play a big part of your child’s learning at school. Reading books regularly with your child helps them get a good head start at school.
Visit your local library. Find books to read to your child. There are lots of children’s books about going to school. Reading these books will not only help your child prepare for school but also increase your child’s literacy and language skills.
Help your child develop clear speech. Children’s speech should be easily understood by others when they go to school. If you have concerns about your child’s speech before they go to school, seek help from a speech pathologist.
Engage your child in imaginative play. Encourage them to problem-solve in play. This will help build your child’s confidence, critical thinking, and social skills when they attend school.
If your child is worried about changes, make a book about going to school. You can take pictures of the school and talk about what he/she will see and experience at school. You can also provide your child with strategies on what he/she can do when he/she feels worried (e.g. talking to the teacher).
Attend transition-to-school programs at your school to help your child familiarise themselves with the new environment. Show your child around the school so that he/she is familiar with the school environment.
Establish routines for dinner, bath time and bedtime. Once this is established, your child will be able to transition smoothly into this routine when he/she starts school.
Encourage your child to be independent. Get your child to try dressing, packing their school bag, eating and going to the toilet independently.
Get to know your child’s teachers. Teachers are there to help your child succeed. Help your child’s teacher understand your child and their needs. Teachers also work collaboratively with you and other health professionals to ensure that your child’s learning needs are met.
Also, ask the school about how you can engage in your child’s learning and development.
Talk to your child about bullying. Educate your child that bullying is unacceptable under any circumstances. Empower your child to speak up. Encourage them to speak to you if someone has hurt them physically and mentally. Let him/her know that it is a good thing that they came to talk to you about this.

Lastly, but importantly, stay positive and try to share your child’s excitement about their next big step. Good luck!

Information adapted from

Our Blog Author

This post was written by Fiona Low, formerly a Speech Pathologist at Your Mind Matters. If your child is having difficulty with speech or language, our psychologists can help. Meet our team.

Practicing self-care this Christmas

Your Mind Matters on 10/12/2017

Christmas is fast approaching, and the 2017 year is nearing a close. For many the festive season is a time of giving, spending time with loved ones, and let’s not forget the elaborate feasts! It’s all too often that we get caught up in the hype of the festive season, whether it be buying gifts, writing our season’s greetings or preparing for Santa’s arrival. We can easily forget the importance of caring for ourselves and the focus all too often becomes caring for those around us. Here are some tips for self-care this festive season:

Be mindful

What is mindfulness? Mindfulness is noticing and being aware of the present moment. It’s about paying attention to our thoughts, feelings, and sensations in our body.

Mindfulness can be a great tool to help us identify when the pressure of the holidays is getting too much. We quickly find ourselves in the pattern of carrying on from one task to the next, and feeling as though we are running a marathon! And YES we do get things done, but at times we can be left feeling exhausted and drained. Through the process of getting caught up in the hype of the holidays, we may lose touch with the present and miss out on enjoying the moment.

Try and incorporate mindfulness this Christmas. Ask yourself, ‘How am I feeling right now?’ Notice any tension in your body (most of us hold tension in our shoulders, upper back, neck and/or jaw). Are you feeling tired? Worn out? Is everything getting too much and leading to that sense of overwhelming doom? Or are you feeling relaxed and balanced? Unless we are in the habit of checking in with ourselves regularly, we may not notice the signs. Set a reminder on your phone to pause and check in with yourself every few hours, listen to your body. Guided mindfulness meditation can be beneficial. Smiling Mind is a free app that can help you to learn how to engage in mindfulness practices. Pay attention to your senses and notice what you can see, feel, hear, taste or smell. For example, listen to your favourite song and immerse yourself in it by paying attention to the lyrics and the music.

Remember to breathe

Focus on your breathing. When we are stressed, our breathing tends to become shallow. Practise taking slow and steady breaths by inhaling through your nose for four seconds, holding that breath for two seconds, and exhaling through the mouth for six seconds.

Just five minutes

When you notice yourself feeling overwhelmed by a situation, take five minutes away from the task at hand to engage in a relaxing activity. This can include going outside and sitting in your garden, spending time with your pet whether this means playing fetch with your pup or snuggling up on the couch with your feline fur baby, doing some gentle stretching, making a cup of tea/coffee, dancing to your favourite song, calling a friend, or watching a funny clip on YouTube. The options are endless.

Exercise

Exercise is a great way to reduce stress and produce endorphins (mood-enhancing chemicals in the brain). Going for a walk or bike ride can be a great way to escape the busyness of the holiday season and can help to clear your mind of those worries. Engaging in yoga or Pilates can help to reduce stress and manage low mood and anxiety. Or why not try something fun this festive season like ice skating or getting out those roller skates. Whatever form of exercise you engage in will be beneficial, and why not have some fun with it.

Do something creative

Being creative can be enjoyable as well as relaxing. Try making your own Christmas cards or ornaments. Instead of buying gifts, you could consider DIY gifts such as mason jar brownie mix or body scrubs. Whip up a bunch of festive cookies, make a gingerbread house or some fruit mince pies.

Drink plenty of water

Water helps to keep you hydrated, increases energy levels and relieves fatigue. Challenge yourself, friends, family and co-workers to see who can drink the most water. You will have fun as well as reap the benefits.

Remember to take a pause, reflect, and engage in self-care this Christmas.

From all of us at Your Mind Matters Psychology, we wish you a Merry Christmas and a safe and prosperous New Year!

Relationships and Communication – How important is communication in a romantic relationship?

Your Mind Matters on 25/11/2017

“Communication is a skill that you can learn. It’s like riding a bicycle or typing. If you’re willing to work at it, you can rapidly improve the quality of every part of your life.”

– Brian Tracy

Communication plays a vital role in the exchange between two people. An incomplete or unhealthy communication can create a block that can contribute to unfulfilling relationships. Communication provides the power to fulfill human need for connectivity and belonging. A positive interaction not only provides greater relationship satisfaction but also ameliorates our subjective well-being. Learning how to effectively communicate with your partner will strengthen the trust, honesty and respect you have for each other and the relationship.

Unhealthy communication often starts with negative thoughts or emotions and not words. And these negative thoughts can come from preconceived perceptions and anticipation of reactions. The ability to communicate effectively assists with showing your values to your partner makes partners understand each other and be approachable to each other.

Misunderstandings and communication mistakes are always possible in a relationship. Here are the most common yet avoidable communication mistakes that could harm a relationship:

Universal statements: generalising your partner’s character in a negative way by using universal statements can show lack of understanding, invalidates the good aspects in your partner, and discourages change.
Not considering things from your partner’s point of view: lacking empathy acts as a catalyst to anger towards each other in a relationship, worsens conflict, and can lead to defensiveness.
Unhealthy non-verbals: body gestures, limited eye-contact, loud tone of voice, and divided attention can make your partner read between the lines, jump to unhealthy conclusions, and assume the worst.
Invalidation: invalidating your partner’s emotions can contribute to resentment and hurt. Constant invalidation can cause emotional numbness, harming the bond in a relationship.
Making past mistakes/difficulties as the centre: bringing up past mistakes as part of each communication, in time will start to lead and rule the relationship and invalidate positive changes.
Fixating on your own feelings: this can make your partner run away each time you want to communicate. Feelings of being unheard can further lead to patterns of avoiding any form of communication, in turn making your partner emotionally freeze or close off.

For healthier communication, try to

Find the right time to communicate: If the issue is not urgent then talking about it at the right time is likely to yield positive results.
Watch your body language: Giving your partner full attention will make him/her feel heard and reduce feelings of hurt and anger because you are listening.
Be honest: if there is one thing that your partner will appreciate the most – it is honesty. Express your emotions as honestly as you can, keeping in view not to violate your partner’s emotions.
Remember the delay rule: Delaying an argument will not make you lose. In fact, delaying often allows thoughtfulness and wisdom to kick in and improves chances of reconciliation and realisation.
Not be harsh: By avoiding harsh words you will allow room for openness and prevent another argument.
Be open to feedback: Constructive criticism from your partner will only lead to positive dynamics, and who can do it better than your partner? Communicating this belief to your partner will instil a sense of responsibility in your partner and reduce defensiveness from your end.

If you are going through difficulties in your relationship, why not give us a call today? Our team of highly skilled and well-experienced Psychologists are here to help.