Child Therapy Archives - Your Mind Matters

The Upstairs/Downstairs Brain – Why kids have a hard time managing feelings and emotions.

laura on 17/06/2024

We have all had moments where we have felt overwhelmed and dysregulated. Swamped by big feelings and emotions, it can feel like they have control of our body, rather than the other way round. For children, this can be a particularly scary experience, and they can struggle to calm down. Teaching children about how their brains work is an important step in gaining mastery over our emotions. Knowledge is power!!

It can be helpful to think of your brain as like a house. There’s an “Upstairs” and “Downstairs” part.

Source: Image by Dan Siegel

https://www.facebook.com/drdansiegel/photos/when-looking-at-the-brain-from-bottom-to-top-imagine-your-brain-is-a-house-with-/10153612839872208/

The Downstairs part (Brainstem and Amygdala) looks after our basic survival functions. The Downstairs part is intact at birth. It is responsible for:

Regulating breathing and heart rate
Sensory processing
Sensing threat

The Upstairs Part (Prefrontal Cortex) is our “thinking brain”. Fun fact parents – it’s not fully developed until you’re about 25, so it’s under construction for most of childhood and adolescence and is shaped by experience. It’s responsible for:

Logic and reason
Problem solving
Making decisions and managing emotions

When we are calm, ready to learn, play and socialise with others, our Upstairs and Downstairs brains are communicating well. The Upstairs brain is in charge, and it can THINK before it ACTS.

But when we feel stressed, angry, or upset, our Upstairs and Downstairs brains stop communicating well. The Downstairs Brain REACTS before we THINK. When the Amygdala perceives threat, it activates a fight/flight/freeze response in the body (depending on the environment we are in and our temperament). Recent research suggests that we may utilise a fawn response as well (people pleasing). The Downstairs brain channels adrenaline, and makes us super strong, super fast and REACTIVE. This often leads children to meltdown or to become dysregulated, as they are overwhelmed by stress. In this state, it is very hard to think clearly, and it becomes the role of parents and teachers to help the child to regulate.

So, what can we do?

Recognising signs of stress early allows us to manage our feelings, utilise strategies and regulate our emotions. In therapy, children learn to identify their emotions and associated body symptoms and develop strategies to manage stress and anxiety. Having movement breaks or moments to recharge throughout the day, and utilising strategies, can help us with managing the build-up of stress in the body and increase our coping capacity for when we do have big feelings and emotions.
Sometimes, especially for younger children, it’s overwhelming when big feelings and emotions are triggered. If a child is dysregulated and highly stressed, the first goal is to regulate (calm heart rate and breathing, help the child to access the Upstairs Brain).
Parents and teachers can help by:
- Keeping calm and connect! Make eye contact, move down to their level, and use a soothing tone and body language to communicate empathy. Empathic statements that reflect how a child is feeling, and NAMING the emotions/feelings they are experiencing, can help to regulate the brain and move it from a REACTIVE to a REFLECTIVE state.
  - “I can see you’re feeling angry, it didn’t go the way you expected.”
  - “You’re really upset that your friends hurt your feelings.”
  - “You’re feeling scared at trying something new.”
- Redirecting to a calm space or activity to help soothe. A calm space such as a child’s bedroom or the trampoline can offer a space for the child to soothe and reduce sensory overwhelm. You can stay nearby and offer the child a chance to reconnect when they’re ready and feeling calmer.
- Setting safe limits to ensure everyone’s safety. Naming the feeling and setting limits on unsafe behaviour – offer viable alternatives to allow the child to express the emotion/feeling they are experiencing in a safe manner.
  - “I can see you’re mad, I won’t let you hit me. You can hit the beanbag, or the cushion.”

Remember: You can’t pour from an empty cup!

If you are feeling stressed or dysregulated yourself, it’s okay to take a moment to step away and allow yourself space to calm down. We cannot co-regulate a child if we don’t feel calm and regulated ourselves. We want to RESPOND calmly, rather than REACT. Parenting is hard work, and it’s important to be self-compassionate.

The Power of Repair:

And once a child is calm, there’s the opportunity for REPAIR and learning. We all make mistakes and have reactive moments, even as adults. Offering your child a chance to repair the relationship, strengthens your connection and helps model healthy communication. It also helps build self-esteem and reduce the shameful feelings associated when we feel we have “messed up”.

“Hey I was wondering about how you were upset yesterday. I wonder if you were feeling this way because…….. Sometimes I feel that way too. I wonder what we could do differently next time? I love you and we can work through this together.”

Further Resources:

Dan Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson – The Whole Brain Child

https://drdansiegel.com/book/the-whole-brain-child/

Kids Want to Know – Why do we lose control of our emotions?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3bKuoH8CkFc

‘If you would like to learn more about developing emotional regulation for children, or upskill as a parent in coregulation skills, our team are here to help! Call us now and take that first step towards a calmer family life.

This blog was written by Shivonne Cammell – Senior Accredited Mental Health Social Worker at YMM.

Shivonne completed her undergraduate degree in psychology and neuroscience at Monash University, followed by a Master of Social Work at University of Melbourne.

Shivonne specialises in utilising play therapy to help children recover from trauma and grief, develop resilience, enhance family relationships, and adjust to new social circumstances in positive ways. She also has experience working with adolescents and adults to address issues including anxiety, low mood and depression, low self esteem and interpersonal difficulties.

Shivonne is a warm and approachable clinician, who works from a strength-based approach incorporating methodologies including cognitive behavioural therapy, acceptance and commitment therapy, interpersonal therapy, and relaxation and mindfulness strategies.

To learn more about Shivonne, check out the “Our Team” page on our website! https://yourmindmatters.net.au/our-team/

What is Play Therapy? And how can it help your child?

laura on 30/01/2023

“Enter into children’s play and you will ﬁnd the place where their minds, hearts, and souls meet.” -Virginia Axline

What is Play Therapy?

Play Therapy is an effective and appropriate way to help children aged 2-12 years work through emotional, psychosocial and behavioural difficulties. It can help address issues faced in the family, school, or interpersonal relationships. This technique works for children like counselling or psychotherapy does for adults.

Play Therapy is based upon the fact that play is the child’s natural medium of self-expression. In Play Therapy a child is given the opportunity to ‘play out’ feelings and problems just as an individual in adult therapy may ‘talk out’ their difficulties.

In Play Therapy, a relationship develops between the child and the therapist, where the therapist enters the child’s world, following the child’s lead, to develop a safe place and a relationship of trust, empathy and acceptance. Within this context, children are then free to express feelings, thoughts, experiences, and behaviours through play. Toys are used like words and become the child’s natural language. Children are encouraged to make choices, to explore possibilities and to develop resilience and self-actualisation, with a skillful therapist trained to respond therapeutically.

Who is Play Therapy for?

Play Therapy can assist children aged 2-12 years experiencing difficulties such as:

Child abuse and neglect
Developmental trauma
Grief and loss
Relationship and social issues
Adjusting to family changes such as separation and divorce
Social issues – difficulties with friendships, social skills
Emotional regulation issues
Anxiety
Selective mutism
Chronic illness or medical trauma

Benefits of Play Therapy:

Play Therapy provides a safe and therapeutic environment for children to explore and learn about themselves and their world, to build confidence and self-esteem, whilst working through the issues that may have hindered their development so far.

Play Therapy helps children to find healthier ways of communicating and to develop a greater sense of identity and self-esteem, while increasing their emotional intelligence and resilience.

Evidence based literature supports the effectiveness of play therapy, with research replicated with different cultural groups and demographics.

History and Adaptations of Play Therapy:

Virginia Axline originally developed Child-Centered Play Therapy as a methodology based on key principles of the person-centred approach, with primary focus on the relationship between child and therapist being based on genuineness, acceptance and trust. This created a safe and trusting environment for children to explore and examine all emotions and experiences at their own pace, and to integrate them. The therapist works with the child to provide empathy and unconditional acceptance, to help the child to feel understood, so they in turn can gain a sense of mastery and understanding of their own experiences.

In the 1960s, Bernard and Louise Guerney developed Filial Therapy, an adaptation of Play Therapy where parents were taught Child-Centered Play Therapy skills so that they could facilitate therapy sessions with their children. This model recognised the influential impact of parents in assisting their children’s healing and growth. Landreth refined this model into a 10-session structured program known as Child-Parent Relationship Therapy, an evidence-based model focused on strengthening the parent–child relationship and helping parents to better understand and respond to their children’s social, emotional, and behavioural needs.

Modern day Play Therapy incorporates many different methodologies adapted to the child’s age and stage of development, presenting issues, and stage of therapy. These can often incorporate structured or unstructured play, storytelling, art techniques, games and sand tray. The goal is still to provide an accepting and open environment for a child to feel safe to express their feelings, but techniques may utilise directive strategies as well.

If you would like to learn more about play therapy and how your child can benefit from this counselling approach, our team of clinicians can help.

References:

Axline, V. (1967; republished 1989). Play therapy: The inner dynamics of childhood. New York: Ballantine Books.

Bratton, S. C., Landreth, G. L., Kellam, T., & Blackard, S. R. (2006). Child parent relationship therapy (CPRT) treatment manual: A 10-session filial therapy model for training parents. Routledge/Taylor & Francis Group.

Cochran, N. H., Nordling, W. J. & Cochran, J. L. (2010). Child-centered play therapy: A practical guide to developing therapeutic relationships with children. New Jersey: John Wiley & Sons.

Landreth, G. L. (2012). Play therapy: The art of the relationship. New York: Routledge.

This blog was written by Shivonne Cammell – Senior Accredited Mental Health Social Worker at YMM.

Shivonne completed her undergraduate degree in psychology and neuroscience at Monash University, followed by a Master of Social Work at University of Melbourne.

To learn more about Shivonne, check out the “Our Team” page on our website! https://yourmindmatters.net.au/our-team/